Well…I wanted to SEE Jesus…and I guess God ANSWERED ME….Sorta…Well…the way GOD answers You sometimes. I had to piece it together and when I think about How God does things softly and quietly and that often times that’s HIM talking, I understood what Jesus HAD DONE I sorta made a strange reaction because I REALIZED What God had done to Me. Once It ‘dawned’ on me (The Holy Spirit whispers…maybe Jesus pokes…I ‘get’ it….you GET IT) I sat there and blinked and OPENED the book, Heaven Is For Real, by Todd Burpo. If you have NOT read this book about his little boy Colton dying and going to Heaven…YOU SHOULD. You’ll read aaaaallll about his tour of Heaven WITH Jesus. I’m not spoiling ANY of it. I will say THIS…
He talked a LOT about what Jesus LOOKED like…very detailed…VERY…VERY. Me being ME…I read and REREAD it trying to see it in my mind. I also read the section about God’s Throne room. I caught a lot of things there that piqued my heart a bit. :P Still…before I had actually read the book, I flipped through it and found a little section in the middle with black and white pictures, one of them being a LOVELY oil painting of Jesus. Part of me said…well…this kid saw Jesus…maybe he picked one out that looked the most like Him. So…I looked at it, smiled a little smile and said, “Heeey Jesus.”
It wasn’t until I FINISHED the book I found out how cool and special that picture WAS and that I was like WOW. JESUS!? I had closed the book and just sat there. You’ll have to read the book for the whole story, but to sum it up…
Todd Burpo, Colton’s dad was watching about a girl in Russia who had been to Heaven too and when she came back…at four…had turned into a artistic PRODIGY. (She PAINTED the picture…you see and realize this…you go OMG for REAL O…M…G and mean IT. :P) It said that she began having visions and she would just start painting.
One thing they joke about in the book was how Colton’s parents played a game for years after Colton’s Visit to Heaven… of every time they saw pictures of Jesus of asking Colton if THAT one looked like Jesus. He would always point out what was wrong with them. So, Todd called his son over to show him the painting. He said Colton came running into his study and when he saw the portrait just FROZE, SPEECHLESS. Know what Colton said?
“That one is right Dad.”
SO… as I held my book thinking about HOW long I have been wanting to SEE Jesus and been asking Him. I can’t REALLY put it all down on my Journal, but HE knows about it. It’s a little ‘joke’ between us and last week, I felt like I had gotten something from Him about it. Hard to explain…well THIS answered what I couldn’t put into words.
I know this…as I sat there my reactions went from a range of something like this…and sorry to use emoticons…but I was SPEECHLESS for a minute…which can be RARE at times…but I had to admit it… HE GOT ME.
o…o Jesus? Did you do what I think you DID?
You DID didn’t YOU?
-_- I wanted to SEEEEEE Y…O….U….but….it’ll DO. :P I LOVE YOU Jesus…Thank You. ;)
<…< I looked over at the book and I thought about putting it on my desktop…which I DID. Now at night when I’m going to sleep or just listening to my BIBLE on audio…I get to SEE Jesus :P Cool huh?
Aaaand it didn’t stop THERE. I put it on my FB ICON….and my PSP….on Jayda’s computer background…well…actually…When I went looking for that portrait…I found she did TWO of HIM. The other is of Him praying. It’s SWEEET. : )
And there was yet another neat little show that I got tonight…and I’m still wondering about it. You can decide. In the book…in the chapter, God’s Throne Room…when the dad asked Colton about God…Colton described the Holy Spirit as… Sorta Blue. I paused on that really quick. My father’s favorite color had always been blue and in the past several months I had adopted it for that reason and also something told me it was also tied TO GOD. *shrug*
So, yesterday and today I tried picturing the Holy Spirit and BLUE. Yesterday while I was IN the car…I got to thinking about it while I was on the way to Chick Fil A with Jayda in the back seat. We were listening to one of our favorite songs on KLOVE and while I was thinking about what sorta BLUE shade the Holy Spirit MIGHT be…Jayda perks up…(and I’m NOT making this UP… I SWEAR it.) I was ACTUALLY irritated…because it broke me out of my …contemplating…but at the same time…it was good because part of me wanted to TALK to Jayda about the topic, but I was afraid it might be TOO much “God Stuff” for her.
I wish I could remember exactly what she said…but it was blurred out because our radio was loud…but I caught what …I think GOD wanted me to HEAR…cause…I’ve learned…God makes SURE you HEAR HIM when He wants you TO. ;P
“Mamma, do you know why the sky is SOOO blue?” I did catch that part of it. I turned back and shrugged lowering the music. “Because God LOVES blue! I’m GLAD the sky is blue!! Aren’t YOU?” She was just SO ENTHUSASTIC about this! I can’t tell you how enthusiastic she was about it. I had to laugh and as shocking as it was to realize…we had JUST been BOTH on that same subject…just maybe in different ways…apparently GOD was listening and put in HIS comment on the subject.
God does listen and He does respond IF you listen. I have heard many a pastor SAY this. In fact, I remember my old Pastor Kevin Brown say it and I was back there nodding vigorously, YES…HE DOES. I never can understand WHY no one WILL LISTEN for and TO GOD. God is SO COOL. Yet…there was one more thing I got about the “Blue Holy Spirit” and after I saw it…I sat there thinking… “God…did YOU do that…or am I just…thinking that…” yet…a part of me thought… GOD…YOU ARE DOING THIS….but WHY???? O………..o;;;;;;;;;;
I was flipping through things I wanted to and saw something about Prophets of Israel. It was talking about raving bands of prophets would get together and go prophesying…calling them, Whirling Dervishes. I ACTUALLY know that term…not from any Biblical History…just from my OLD days as a Warrior on Dungeon And Dragons. (I’ll discuss that too one day. I realize, God made me a Fighter :P)
But, while it was talking about it, it flashed what apparently was SOMEONE’s depiction of God, or the ‘Spirit’, it was an old painting. I have this STRANGE quirk, I have to add real quick. I usually…. (Don’t LAUGH either)…whenever a ‘painting’ or drawing of ‘God’ or ‘Yahweh’ is shown…I ‘look’ away. T…T I don’t know WHY. Partly because of that COMMANDMENT….but mainly because…aside from US and JESUS…well…except for MOSES…and maybe Isaiah…(and whoever else I’ve missed and whoever else hasn’t SAID SO.) NO one knows EXACTLY what God LOOKS EXACTLY Like. Well, Except for Colton :)
Yet…before I had the chance to <..< ‘turn my eyes’ I looked and stared HARD at that picture. I WISH I could find it somewhere because my eyes immediately went something like THIS AGAIN:
0__________________0 WHAT? The painting had a BEAUTIFUL man, that favored SOME of the pictures of people trying to paint God, but, with the long flowing white hair and His eyes closed in LOVE…hard to explain THAT…if you know what someone’s eyes are like when they are SO in LOVE and IN THAT MOMENT…well You’d GET IT…. Aside from that….the SKIN of the ‘person’ was… YOU GUESSED IT.
BLUE
:P
I did another
<…<
>…>
I was laying on my bed and had my laptop with my newly added desktop JESUS on it. I glanced over to it and then did another:
<…<;;;;;
;;;;;;;>..> and slid my head under the sheets and said Um….REALLY? WHY? OKAY I SEE YOU OKAY! THANK YOU, but WHY!?
Of course with God, the question could simply be, because you asked, but it does talk about seeing the face of God and to those who READ it, they know WHAT it says. :P You’ll have to go FIND it yourself. I’m too busy thinking of THAT picture. XD
IF I could FIND it online…I would probably post it…but I dunno. <..<; I sorta felt like it was a present. I guess IF you want to SEE it…you’ll have to FIND it too. :P Just the ‘feeling’ I get. Then again…LIKE I said, you can decide if you are following my trail of thinking. Was it a ‘present from Jesus or not? Who knows…but the more I think of the Lord…the more I am inclined to say YES on my part. The only thing I keep saying to MYSELF IS ….WHY?? I’m NO ONE for Him to do THAT. Yet, to God we are not NOBODIES and I know that…yet for ME I have a HARD time dealing with THAT.
After reading Todd Burpo’s book (GO GET THAT BOOK PEOPLE! Jesus doesn’t DO these things everyday and NOT for nothing. Go see about Jesus’ Rainbow Horse <..< GO!) BTW I felt sorta bad when I read about that in the book. I felt like SUCH The spoiled brat kid that is ALWAYS in a group. First it talked about Jesus being the only one in Heaven to have a purple Sash and then Colton mentioned that Jesus had a Rainbow Horse that Jesus let him pet.
My heart SKIPPED a beat. I went @......@ Rainbow…..HORSE! (Don’t forget about the cloud cows JESUS and the gold mud puddles, ukay? :P) Anyhow, After THAT skittlebit sank in….I did one of these…
<..<;;;; I want a Rainbow HORSE! And…why can’t I WEAR PURPLE! I like PURPLE TOO! Of course, as the adult…and LOVING Jesus LIKE I DO…I understand WHY He wears it and I honestly don’t CARE, but that little seed was IN THERE and I understand it may be part of WHY we are here, but still, it bothered me. I quickly apologized to Jesus…realizing…Jesus would probably GIVE you a herd of Rainbow Horses and He doesn’t CARE about the color of the SASH really. HE cares about YOU and your joy. Which of course made my heart SKIP its beat and then go PLOP. (Of course, when Jesus hangs around, it don’t stay Plopped for LONG, He pumps it RIGHT BACK UP…so I have found :P God don’t let you BEAT yerself up long.)
What I can tell you as my ‘Journey with Jesus’ goes a long day by day…(for me second by second and I’m NOT COUNTING) is that, Jesus just HAS THE MAGIC…literally and I love him MORE and MORE every SECOND…NANOSECOND actually and sometimes I have a hard time pulling Him apart from God, Jesus, and The Holy Spirit…and of course they are the Same…yet I feel God likes you to focus on Jesus…and JESUS honors the FATHER. @....@ I am able to DO it…but telling people and stuff gets a little hard for me sometimes.
It’s why I have this little joke I made up while I was visiting “Jesus and His Dad” (You too Holy Spirit :P) one morning for our ‘Breakfast’. I was putting in a CD…whistling a tune, singing under my breath, bustling around where the women sing on Sunday, TRYING not to knock ANYTHING over…GOD forbid I break ANYTHING. I try SO hard not to TOUCH anything, especially the keyboard. I think a WHOLE lot of our Pastor’s wife and I try really HARD to be careful around her keyboard and EVEN her stool. So, I was trying to find a nice place for the player where it would NOT damage any of their nice equipment, yet have God some music while we ate. I LOVE music…but IF you love GOD…you KNOW HE is ALL about MUSIC too.
Anyway, I had just popped in a CD and was shuffling back across to my usual spot in the sanctuary. And…yes I do EAT in there, but I keep it clean. While I KNOW God is IN our Hearts and you SHOULDN’T EAT in a sanctuary…I felt the Holy Spirit urge me in…and I wish I could TELL you that…but I can’t…I JUST CAN’T. I TRIED to stay in their break room…but It’s as good as eating with a rope around your waist and someone PULLING YOU with a CHAIN yanking, yelling from the other room, “NIIIIKKKIII, COME ON!” *sigh*
So, as I passed by my Pastor’s podium which has an AWESOME little flag depicting the ‘Lion of Judah’ in front of it. I always walk behind it because, (and again, this goes back to me using my ‘imagination’ and I dunno if this may OFFEND some people, but I really DON’T CARE. <..<; You spend YOUR time with God the way YOU want to…I will spend MY time with Him how I want. God is Spirit and sometimes in order to get INTO the Spirit…people have to do what they have to :P)
But, as I was saying, I always walk behind it and as I did, I glanced up at the wall of the church, but I never really ‘see’ the wall, in my MIND, I see God on His throne. I always ‘talk’ to God as I’m walking by, but this time I stopped and pointed at a big purple flag with Jesus’ face on it that stands off to the left where I usually eat. I said, “God, can you do me a favor? Do me ONE blessing? Please? Tell Jesus someone loves Him.”
NOW…this is where my strange sense of humor gets …lost in translation. It wasn’t JUST that God will tell Jesus that…it’s that…I remember hearing that God ONLY hears what you say through the mouth of Jesus Christ. :P So…well…if you need me to explain the REST of it… <…< Anyway.
After I said that and was about to sit on down to eat, I just plain out (and I’m SURE this is where most people would see me and just go, ‘YEP, this woman is RAVING MAD’, but, like I say…or as God is teaching me to think… I DON’T CARE what anyone THINKS :P), I just plain out started to laugh because this bubbling laughter just raised up out of my belly and took me over…and you know what…it FELT GOOD. I got back up and looked up at that purple flag and just hugged it….YES I HUGGED THE FLAG! HUGGED IT GOOD. (I even gave it a little kiss. I LOVE my Brother Jesus :P Anyone that can make you laugh like that deserves Love!)
After I shook that off, I stood there for a second thinking about that, looking BACK at ‘God’ and smiling. I said, “So, Jesus ‘got’ His message, did He?” I’m sure anyone reading this…may be getting a peek into how my …um…day must go when NO one is around. Yeah, I sorta DO have conversations like this all the time, but…hey…I know when to get quiet. I peek over my shoulder to see who is COMING! ;) I’m NOT crazy, just hanging with Jesus and His Dad. (You TOO Holy Spirit, NO ONE Is leaving YOU OUT!)
As I stood there, I looked back to Jesus and I said, Jesus, Has anyone told your Father lately that I love HIM? I really LOVE your Dad…He’s pretty awesome. You know especially after some of the things He did this week with Jayda and some of my friends…(I rattled off a few things, ect.) If you could answer this prayer for me, I would really appreciate it. “Father, who art in Heaven…hallowed BE Thy Name, Yahweh…I have NO way to explain the fire IN my heart…because YOU know I LOVE Jesus…but I hope to find a way to tell you how much I LOVE the Father someday! Amen!”
So…I stood there…and I thought about it. Of course, the more I’ve come to know The Lord there’s a LOT of ways I am finding to show God I love Him. ONE Is to be a servant for Jesus and those around me…that is MY NUMBER ONE PRIORITY…SERVE….SEEEERVE SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERVE! And I AM LOVING IT! Never EVER thought I’d love working so much, but…I am loving it!
But, I stood there and thought about giving another flag in the room a hug…one that is to represent God himself…but as I started to walk towards it… ‘something’ hit me. I spun RIGHT around and went back to hug the flag with Jesus on it. I thought…well The Father DOES Love HIS SON. God would probably want me to GIVE my hugs to Jesus….right? I laughed and sat to eat my food.
As I ate, I started ‘chatting’ with the ‘Holy Spirit’. I said… “I’m not sure how to tell YOU I love you other than just keep working with Jesus. I know you are all…like GOD…but…you know.” As I was eating…I began to think about people and I started talking to Jesus about them and I realized, God does want you to really GIVE that Jesus to people and I understood that IS one way to show love for God…LOVE HIS PEOPLE with JESUS. Still….there was a BIG part of me that just wanted to climb up in God’s lap and HUG HIM. SOOO BADLY. As I kept eating my biscuit I would occasionally glance at the flag that was for God and flick a glance to “God’s Throne” and smile saying, “You know I love you, right? It’s pretty much what I do all day…tell you I love you and tell people. You got what you wanted…right?”
When I got ready to leave, I cleaned up and I felt a question rise up. “Can I get a song?” I did one of my:
o…0 Did God ask me for a song??? You want…ME to sing YOU a song??? You KNOW I don’t SING anymore…I can’t SING anymore. I quit. My voice…(and I want to say a word I try NOT to say but rhyme it with bucks) STINKS! I smoked for years…I don’t sing…that much…which I DO…but…I was REALLY nervous to SING in FRONT of GOD….at THAT TIME…because …again…I cannot EXPLAIN it…but:
Even though I heard NO voice, no sound, no LOUD thoughts….something asked me to sing. I kinda walked around where the microphones were trying to see what THEY had on their stands. “Okay…so what do YOU want me to sing, Lord?” I asked finally…still not SURE if I would…but realizing the fact that I pretty much felt GOD asked me to…ENDED the debate and that I WOULD find a way to SING it before I left.
I stood there trying to think and I suddenly remembered and started thinking about the song the Pastors daughter sang at my old church. I can NEVER remember what it is called exactly…but her rendition of it is GORGEOUS and I played it IN my car on REPEAT for DAYS. I remember going to the assistant Pastor who was over their Praise team and asking him about it. He had to make me a copy…he actually ended up making me a WHOLE collection of ALL their songs.
(Pretty sweet HUH? NATURALLY God gives you the WHOLE THING! ;P Catch that guys? See God there :P I’m learning to too!....wow…I wish I could just tell you all what just happened when I tried to hit that bracket key. JUST like THAT…God drops little surprises. That will BE a little secret. I want to tell you, but sometimes I figure some people MAY not believe all the things I say. It is SOOOO frustrating. I can always tell when people are ‘believing’ me or not. What JUST happened as I was typing that line made ME jump and then laugh and smile. God…you’re FUNNY :P and yes, you ‘are there’ I see you. O…o LOL Now, let me hit that key? ) THERE! Thank you :P <3 Of course, turning on my audio Bible is sorta nice to listen to while I’m writing….Good Idea Lord. Sure I DID end up telling you…but guess what it said when it came on… ‘you were there’ over and over… it repeated that in the scripture, “Yahweh….you were there”
Some of ya’ll are probably like …HUH? Is she nuts? :P Keep calling me nuts. XD God just turned on my audio Bible by ACCIDENT while I’m sitting here typing in the dark and answered something I was thinking. XD Think I care if people ‘think’ I’m crazy? ;) God’s here I don’t care if anyone thinks it’s REAL or not…but I reallllly want you to. God is SOOOOO awesome. (Which reminds me, IF I can remember, I’ll tell you what happened TO MY audio Bible o..0 I’m still scratching my head OVER this. When God does something to IT….which I’m NOT complaining…just still figuring it out and saying THANKS.)
ANYWAY where was I? Oh yeah…the song. I wanted to sing that song from my old church’s Praise Team. I really want to tell you who it is and such…but sometimes, I feel like the way I’m telling my stuff may be TOO much or weird for some people and shoot….who knows who wants to be TIED to me? I leave names out JUST in case. :P It’s funny that way to me….but ANYWAY again.
It had been a LONG time since I had played that CD mainly because I had let Jayda use it and…if you have five and six year olds…you know things…GET LOST…and sometimes they STAY gone. As far as I knew…sadly…that CD was GONE. When I say I had ‘not seen’ it…I mean…I figured it was GONE. I remembered WHERE I had ‘sorta’ seen it, but I assumed it was where I had seen it ‘before’ “JAYDA”.
SO…I SIGHED and sorta walked around the sanctuary and tried to think about something ELSE to sing, but I still ‘wanted’ THAT song, but I couldn’t remember the WORDS exactly. I even talked to ‘Jesus’ about it out loud and LORD save me if my church HAS a camera. I KNOW they are probably bound to think I’m OUT of my mind by now…well…I’d say that…but they are SO WITH God…I know they understand :P (Well, at least I HOPE so!)
I thought about the girls who sing and I walked around and looked at the books, the WHOLE time saying, Okay, Lord, not GOING Through their BOOKS, just looking for that ‘song’, YOU know what I mean, Lord. I have a weird thing about going through people’s things. When I was eight years old…I got BUSTED for stealing. YEP…BUSTED HARD…and since then, I’m VERY conscious about even LOOKING like I’m going through anyone’s ANYTHING, even though I knew God KNEW what I was doing, I still have that ‘scar’. (See how SIN messes YOU up? :P)
I was trying to FIND the song sheet and scanning through the song titles I found a list of the songs they had and I said…Well…Lord…THEY don’t have it. They should…I can’t BELIEVE they don’t HAVE this song. I KNOW I heard them SING IT. I stood there sorta….drumming my fist on my leg and thinking and I hummed I saw a box were they kept the songs. As I was looking through it I looked into a folder with another letter instead of the letter the song title would be in. I sighed…and then did one of my usual…
ARRRRRRRRGGGG….It would have HELPED if someone TOLD ME THAT! How many times do I say this… It’s hard to explain? Well…one of THOSE TIMES….when I feel HIM telling me things, well that happened…I realized the song was NOT named what I was looking for…it was named something else and it would be in that OTHER letter I had looked at. I was like THANK YOU LORD….and I looked IN it…but did not FIND IT. I sighed and groaned.
“Well, LORD…I can’t sing it…as badly as I would like to do it for you. I don’t have the CD, they don’t have the sheet music…what can I do?” I got a very quick little thought…you know that one we all call our conscious?
It said, “Why not go check your car where you keep your CDs?”
I hate I can be SO negative sometimes. I have had two people tell me this. A coach from my old church and than a very, VERY special anointed lady who helps me sometimes at my new church have actually told me the SAME thing twice. I throw out a negative when they throw out a positive. I have been working on that. I actually had it happen the other day…and I wish I could tell you that little thought conversation between Jesus and I >..> about the “Sun getting in my eyes when I drive” but…you WOULD think I was crazy if I told you how fast that chat went and that as always Jesus won that talk and He constantly came back with a POSITIVE no matter WHAT I said…well until I said…YOU WIN! He replied YES! I LOVE YOU! Anyway…sorry to share that, yes I’m crazy…crazy for Jesus and HE KNOWS IT. :P
SO…the NEGATIVE I said was, “That CD is NOT out there. I’ve not seen it in FOREVER. The last time I saw it…I saw it in that wicker basket. Jayda had it and only God KNOWS where that CD IS.” (I swear, NO PUN intended…but you know it’s amazing WHAT YOU say sometimes, but THAT is what I SAID. >.>)
“If your faith can move mountains, it will move that CD from that basket into your car. Go out and get your CD and SING THAT SONG!” I feel bad to say I followed that reply with This:
-_____-
I replied, “I have FAITH…but do you know HOW many times I have had faith and NOTHING Happened and then it’s like my little heart BREAKS! It’s getting hard you KNOW! I keep believing…but I’m SO tired!” There’s NOTHING that would take my heart from Jesus guys…but a part of me did NOT want to go out there and that CD not be out there after I felt something telling me to go and GET that CD because of MY FAITH that GOD would HAVE it OUT THERE.
I actually went back to my biscuit and ate a few minutes…avoiding my task…hoping I could ‘get out of it’…yet I could NOT. I also have another little ‘joke’ with the Lord about ‘hiding’ from Him. “There IS no hiding from God.” I always bring up the bit with Adam and Eve in the bushes I actually muttered that jokingly when I slid under the covers after seeing that GORGEOUS flash of the ‘Holy Spirit’s’ face on my Television. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL by the WAAAAY.
<..< sorry (thank you Lord)
>..>
So, I sat there, chewing, ignoring EVERYTHING, and I think this is part of what Jesus has been working with me, rather working OUT of me and He and I have come to a LOT of understandings and like I said He has shown me a LOT. It’s helped me to see people with a LOT of compassion and understanding. It helps you to realize WHY God says not to Judge others and it is ONE of my things I am working on harder and harder as well as loving more in EVERYWAY. Even the smallest ways. :)
But…as I ate… every so often I’d think “That CD. Is it out there? What IF it isn’t? I guess I could just try to sing it anyway. God would love it anyway…God just loves you SINGING to Him and Praising HIM. That’s what He wants. IS that CD OUT TEHRE?”
“You KNOW it IS. Go GET IT.”
I GROANED really loud and actually growled a bit… shockingly looking around thinking WHAT THE HECK…and apologized to the “Lion Flag’ for my ‘tude’ and slowly…then quickly skeedaddled outside. I wasn’t as fast to my car, but aaaall the way to it I was talking to Jesus.
“Please, Lord, Jesus…You said that CD is out there. God wants that song and that CD has GOT to be IN there. I guess it will have to be in that middle thingy if it is…PLEASE JESUS put that CD IN THERE. I know God COULD put it there if He wanted to.” I sorta shrugged and took a BIG breath and opened the door. I WANTED to sort around the other parts of the car where we keep CD’s but…I just grrrr’ed again and slapped that middle console open.
To my (um…I don’t know why it bothered me at the time, yet DAZZLED ME at the same time, but oddly it DID) surprise and SHOCK not only DID I find the CD….because the CD is white, the sun hit it JUST the right way so that it showed up IMMEDIATELY when I opened that lid. I didn’t even have to DIG for it. NOW, if anyone needs to read my entries….IF you have faith…I think it’s pretty clear God shows a lot of cool things to me…and WHY HE does…I STILL don’t know….all I know is I figured I should start sharing it…I just hope people can appreciate it the way I finally did.
Yet, there is a part of me that feels there are many who do not believe….like I DIDN’T and before I got out there…FELT like that CD would NOT be out there…but let me TELL YOU…when I saw that part of that WHITE CD…because it is the ONLY CD that looks like it does….I KNEW it was the ONE and I FELT something that SHOT through me like a surge…and to those who KNOW JESUS and FEEL HIM…you KNOW WHAT I FELT. It’s what allows me to write all these amazing things and feel a few things…and it’s strange…
One thing is, I really DON’T mind if people judge me for these outrageous things I share…yet…there is a RIPPING, tearing, YELLING part of me that soooooo badly wants people to believe it….but, I understand, only the Holy Spirit (WHO apparently is sorta BLUE! XD <…<;;;; NO, Lord, I’m NOT…no not really…well, sorta, but you know ME and how I mean it…YOU know my HEART. Sorry guys, something between God and I, just ignore it. Keep reading… :P)
SOOO….I TOOK that SWEET CD Jesus GAVE ME (well JESUS AND His Father, AND the Holy Spirit :p) gave me and went back inside saying THANK YOU Jesus as I opened the church door. “Okaaaaay, it was out there. That was pretty cool, Jesus. I even looked up to the ‘throne’ as I closed the CD player and smiled, saying ‘thank you, that was really nice. I appreciated that.’
The strange thing was, as I put the headphones on, which I do because I suddenly got a case of the nervousness nellies…which IS NOT usual for me. Normally, in my car I will sing to my CD and I will imagine Jesus is RIGHT next to me, so the fact I was singing to Jesus and the Father didn’t bother me…well….not MUCH…something was different.
I started to feel like my singing was BAD…and all sorts of other insulting things and a FLASH came though… “KEEP SINGING! SING! Do NOT stop SINGING!!!”
I did another of my <…<;; >..> and I made a choice of no matter Who or ‘what’ tried to make ME feel like WHAT I would SING for MY FATHER cause HE LOVED ME and MY SONG. So I sang and loved DOING IT FOR HIM. I felt pretty good about it and enjoyed the experience. That spiritual warfare thing I’ve talked about…that comes up to me at the STRANGEST Times…I didn’t expect that junk to pop up when I was surrounded by ‘love’ in a ‘church’ getting ready to stand in front of ‘God’s Throne’ and sing Him a song….but Grrr it did and well…THANK GOD I was surrounded by a LOT of support. :P
I’d really like to share that song, I have the CD, but since it was the Pastor’s Daughter’s ‘rendition’ of the song…she actually redid it and rewrote it and sang it…I CAN’T upload it…I WANT TO…but I can’t ;P IF you run into me, ask me though, I’ll share it. IT IS BEAUTIFUL and I think the LORD enjoyed it….I’ma say He did. Just ask the people at my church. This last Sunday we had special guest that SURE knew how to share some music and boy did they get the place rocking! :P I too want people to get the idea God loves jamming!
Oh YEAH…that was cool too. We had surprise visitors to our church too. I’ll tell you about THAT in another post. They talked to us about giving First Fruits to the Lord each month…which I’m TOTALLY FOR and it provoked our pastor into starting us into using the SMH in posts. What? What? XD
The ladies sang a COOL song, Shake My Head and Laugh. It talks about the King is in the Field…and then about how Jesus is on his Throne and shaking His head and laughing at the Enemy. It is a COOOL song. Jayda was TOTALLY into it…course she was already shaking her head and laughing before that song came on. ;) Jesus has been working with Jayda for a while now, so she had the memo beforehand I suppose. I kept looking at her and fussing, “Jayda, put your HAIR up if you are going to shake your head.” OF course, when they started doing THAT song, ‘something’ came over me and said, “Make sense NOW?” I shook MY head and said, “YEAH…IT does….”
Jayda mostly enjoyed the Trumpets and that…horn ‘thingy’ I’m still trying to remember what it was called. IT was MY favorite because they called it ‘The Voice of The Lord.’ It Is NEXT on my LIST of things I want to experience from God.
I guess what really hit me about ‘seeing’ that picture of the ‘blue picture of God’ was before they flashed that LOVELY picture it was talking about Moses and who he was and all. It really got to talking about how God made the POINT of Moses being MORE than just a prophet because He was the ONLY one who talked to HIM FACE TO FACE.
I sat there sorta chewing on my lip and feeling badly for the way I felt about that. I of course have a LOT of love and honoring respect for everyone in the Bible…not just because they are ‘IN the Bible’ and a part of our History, but…because they helped bring God’s Word to us…yet I was thinking… Man…I can’t wait to see God…I know Moses was special. I started going over all the things I knew about Moses and thinking ABOUT what I KNEW about Moses. YES….I was TRYING to mull over WHAT it WAS about Moses…yet a part of me KNEW whatever IT was…only GOD knew it…yet I was going OVER IT…feeling badly for DOING THAT.
What I also got so annoyed with was how they kept talking about the prophets and …as I think…kept saying STUPID stuff. They were calling them ODD (and the ones talking were BIBLICAL Scholars and Jewish scholars…I still don’t get why they call them ODD) and they couldn’t explain WHY they acted like they did, so they said and ‘what came over them’ and WHY they chose to do what they did.
One of the people said something like, “No one KNOWS WHAT makes a person become a Prophet.” I was like…. “DUH!” Then they said, “No one understands why they are willing to sacrifice their lives, families..ect, you get it” Again…I was like DUUUUH Are you guys REALLY Biblical SCHOLARS??
These people were spending twenty minutes trying to figure OUT WHY Prophets WERE prophets and why they spent SOOO much time ‘prophesying’. @....@ Seriously?? Are THEY doing their HOMEWORK? For one thing… GOD makes them the Prophet. That’s ONE reason and it can be the ONLY reason anyone needs. Yet…the one thing that kept me tugged at the question and I have to admit…looking longingly at them was that… They do it because they ‘Get to hear God and they LOVE GOD and their PEOPLE’. What part of this doesn’t ANYONE understand? O.o
It reminded me of a few things…one thing I got from THAT program…and then one thing I got from this morning…it was something that has been slowly making sense to me this month.
It talked about how God came and got Elijah after he totally GOT the Baal priests and Ahab’s wife JEZEBEL came AFTER Elijah. Well, Elijah had to go out on the run and he pleaded with God to help him. This Jezebel, by the way…that word sound familiar? Yeah…she was a Phoenician princess who had a TOTALLY different ‘religion’ than her husband, the Jewish King. She hated …HATED the Jewish Prophets…and well…after Elijah and Yahweh made a TOTAL fool out of her um…I don’t wanna even call them you-know-whats cause they AINT…well Jezebel was MAAAAD. To say the least and she wanted to not just kill Elijah…she wanted to KEEEEEEEEL Him.
Well, Elijah first got a BIG wind, but God wasn’t there…then the EARTH split apart…God wasn’t there….and THEN….there was FIRE. Then…there was a gentle whisper. I’m not going to quote the scripture exactly right now, I’ll grab it sometime later, but basically, God told Elijah…you are looking for me in all these big miracles, Wind, Earthquakes, and FIRES…but I communicate through gentle, soft voices. Basically, touching peoples’ hearts…and that’s what you’re going to do and THEN a fiery chariot comes down and SWOOPS Elijah up and takes Him UP to Heaven. COOL HUH? But… It made me STOP and go back to that day I sat out on the front step and I talked about wanting to heal SOOOO BADLY….
What I heard was something like …and I think I posted it on my last post…maybe, I know I wrote it out. There was a post I INTENDED to post…but cleared out. <…< I do that a lot >…> But…what happened was…just in case…
I sat outside and was talking to Jesus about wanting to HEAL so badly. I believed in the power of healing, I KNOW it can be done…but I told Him…and GOD…(again YES I know they are the SAME) that I can do NONE OF THAT without the Baptism of the Holy Spirit ad that either that had not happened or I wasn’t doing SOMETHING right. What I got was…
“Oh, you will heal, don’t worry. BUT…what your ‘specialty’ will be to heal the wounds that go deeper than the flesh. Those wounds do not heal so easily.” I listened and at first I just sorta looked around my yard…a bit okay with it and then I had the feeling like….you know…
A kid with a GREAT BIG shiny sword that could shoot fire and was ready to go out and fight and was just told, hey, you get to sit and watch and CHEER! Something LIKE that. I would tell you the rest of that conversation, but it was mostly my heart pumping me UP for that and me dealing with it and slapping my bratty pride and realizing that God was so much BETTER than I was worth and that GOD loved me and my BRATTY self and I should get OVER IT. I felt really crumby in that moment, but after I stood up and looked around, I started to feel differently.
I started to think back to some of the struggles that I had went through and realized…yeah…I can see where He’s going with this….but HOW…am I going to get THOSE people to LISTEN to…ME? I can’t hardly get ANYONE to listen to me…much less… take me seriously. Is this some sort of JOKE…?
Well, I’m still figuring out what it IS Jesus wants me to DO exactly because I’ve realized we EACH have our blessings from the Holy Spirit and Jesus DEFINITELY wants you to USE it to the FULLEST which I TOTALLY intend to DO. <3 I love ya JESUS. :P Which leads me to the other thing I have sorta been getting lately…. I remember reading what Jesus SAID ‘about loving Him’. IF you Love Jesus, you do what HE SAYS. I remember a LONG time ago…before I suddenly got so TAKEN OVER (which really sorta SNUCK UP ON ME…Jesus did you do a ‘Drive By ON ME or something? <..<;;; I DIDN’T SEEEEEEEEEE You! XDDDD DARN YOU!!! Um…Praise YOU! :P <3 ) by this Jesus Lovin…I saw that and I was like:
<..<;;;; Well, I love you….and I’m WORKING on that stuff…but…I …do luv ya Jesus. Anyway…I love ya Jesus.
What I’ve gotten is as far as following God’s laws is, I am understanding the difference between Religion and relationship and WHY it is so important to God…well…I mean…at least what I AM getting anyways…usually while I’m driving I look around and I sorta think about this.
THINK about this people…IF you TOTALLY LOVE someone…I mean LOOOOOOOOOVE someone don’t you TRY and WANT to make them happy and do what they want? Think about your kids. I thought about my daughter and then my dad…even my favorite pets! I remembered like with my dad how I woulda done ANYTHING for my dad…and DID. Or…with Jayda…how there isn’t ANYTHING I wouldn’t do…even THOUGH she makes ME mad…I’ve gotten to where…I don’t totally want to BEAT her butt…unless I think she needs to REMEMBER it so it doesn’t KILL her next time. I give her a good stern talk and try to explain and teach her about it. I got OUT of my way to show my pets there’s NOTHING I am not willing to DO to make them happy…and NO I’m NOT talking about putting SHIRTS on them and booties. Not that I’m saying ANYTHING to people who DO. Your life your thing…I’m just listening to Ceasar Milan… Dogs like to feel like DOGS and there IS a way to SPOIL a dog and TREAT it like a DOG. :P
So, yeah, I’ve really thought about this, like this morning, it came at me again as I was driving up the road how that really makes sense….being SO in LOVE with someone that just following their rules is NATURAL and that when you ‘mess up’ that person number ONE forgives you and works WITH you to fix it and KNOWS you well enough to KNOW you aren’t trying to HURT them on PURPOSE and that you are going to TRY to do better…ect ect…just look into your HEARTS and you’ll know what I’m saying….or DO YOU? :P What do you think Lord? Apparently God thinks LOVE is a good answer :P Truth is good, Love is good and following HIS law is gotta work. Some HOW you work them all together. LOVE IS power…..SO they say…. So, Who’s this THEY ANYWAY?
I know! The Father, The Son, AND The HOLY SPIRIT! ;)
BY THE WAY…you didn’t THINK I wouldn’t share that Portrait of JESUS did you? Well, the beautiful talented young lady who painted this is, as a I said, a Russian girl named, Akiane Kramarik and you wanna know talent? Well, God can certainly GIVE it to you. Go check HER out. I’ma add HER photo too…just so you can SEE how young this girl IS… Jesus uses the KIDS…why don’t YOU? :P It’s why I LOOVES kids and…well…I dunno if there IS much of an excuse for my acting LIKE a such a kid…but I try to say it’s cause Jesus LOVES ME! :P Here they are and a few links to the materials I referred to in my post.
She entitled this one, "Prince of Peace" BEAUTIFULLY done Akiane!! :P
This one is entitled, "Father Forgive Them" and I really love what she did with this portait of Jesus. I put it in my daughter's room. Jayda LOVES it...you know she LOVES Jesus as much as her mamma. I hear her in there 'talking' with Jesus as she goes to sleep at night. :)
Obviously, she's a bit older than when sh painted that BEAUTIFUL portrait, but STILL very, VERY talented. Go visit her with a click.
AND this is Mr. Colton Burpo. If you would like, which I HIHGLY Suggest, go visit the site for His Father, Todd Burpo's book, Heaven is for Real and check out Colton's visit to Heaven and how HE MET Jesus. :P
Jesus IS WORKING GUYS! We SHOULD BE TOO. If He's bringing Kids to Heaven to get us prepared, what SHOULD we be doing? It's one of the things that gotten me to stop worrying about my ...OVERexcited PASSION about Jesus. It's been growing for over a year now and I think it's time I just LET IT GO...like I've been TOLD to.
BY The way…
JESUS LOVES YOU! :P
OH!...and BY BY THE WAY…do me a favor Guys!!!!!!!!
Have The Father tell Jesus SOMEONE LOVES HIM. <3 :P (You KNOW YOU love HIM! If you don’t YOU WILL!)
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